2020 was a whirlwind of a year for so many people, myself included. It was a time of unrest and complete unknowns.
At the end of March when the whole of the UK went into lockdown, I was 30 weeks pregnant. The government advised that all women over 28 weeks pregnant should self-isolate. So I found myself starting my maternity leave 1 month earlier than planned.
My baby grew day by day, with my friends and family only seeing my growing belly via video calls. My yoga teacher training also went online. I missed our monthly in-person group, but I adapted as best as I could. The last online teacher training I attended was in mid-April. I had no idea that I would be missing the next one.
Between the end of March and the end of April everyday life was pretty quiet. It was a time to contemplate and rest but it was also quite boring and at times lonely. Yet, it did allow me the time to focus on my coursework. As it was my third and final year it was coming in thick and fast.
I had my heart set on having a home birth since the beginning of my pregnancy and had begun to finalise my plans. But then at the end of April, I had a call from my midwife to say that the home birthing team had to be suspended. I was devastated. The thought of giving birth in a hospital petrified me.
I tried to put it to the back of my mind with the hope that it would be reinstated in time. Most of my antenatal appointments had become phone calls, and I was unable to meet with my doula in person. My last in-person antenatal appointment took place when I was 32 weeks pregnant, and my next was due to be at 36 weeks. This was not to be.
I was haunted by my own words as I entered the hospital alone at 35 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I had only said to Louise, my yoga teacher and doula, a week before that the worst possible outcome would be entering the hospital on my own. I was frightened, and to make matters worse the staff did not know how to deal with the situation. My labor had been quick and unexpected, my husband only made it with 15 minutes to spare.
Our beautiful baby boy surprised us all with his early arrival. He needed a little bit of help from the SCBU team who were wonderful. And finally after 5 long days in the hospital, we were able to come home and all be together as a family.
And just like that, I had become a Mother. What a shift in perspective. The country was still in lockdown and we were pretty much on our own, us three, our little family. It was very stressful, and we questioned ourselves every step of the way. But the overwhelming feeling of love made up for it all. It was indescribable. Our hearts were so full but we were exhausted. The most important thing I learned during this time was to listen to my intuition.
I was now thankful for the online teacher training. I was able to see to my baby’s needs while attending my training. In July when our baby was only 3 months old the in-person groups started again with the option to go online. As I had practical assessments to present I decided to attend both in-person and online. My husband supported me so much during this time. Seated in our car in the village hall car park with our baby waiting for me to return. It was tough leaving them both, but it was only for a short time.
Getting the coursework done now took on a whole new meaning of challenge. I got into the habit of getting as much done as possible while my baby slept. Typing one-handed as he rested on my chest. I learned this was the only way he would stay asleep, so that is what we did, and still do much to the outrage of outdated parental advice, which we got a lot of!
In September, I completed my final practical assessment which had to be online due to COVID-19 restrictions. I am not a fan of teaching online, it feels soulless, you cannot share space the same way you can in person. But I had to do my best to adjust to this new norm. After completely running over on my first attempt I eventually passed the second time around. Phew! It was tough!
As we approached the end of October I had to push myself to get through the final stages of my diploma. It had become tiresome and draining. All my course work had been completed and signed off but then everything had to be uploaded to the BWY website for verification. Now my priorities had completely shifted. I was relieved to be finishing but didn’t know what that meant for me as I wasn’t in a position to be teaching.
In November we had our last online session (forced online again due to the latest lockdown). I felt exhausted and in need of a break. I found our graduation ceremony sad and uneventful. All that hard work and energy came down to us all being together via a computer screen.
Now, 1 and half years later, I am feeling grateful for all that I learned while becoming a BWY diploma yoga teacher. Three intense years passed where I worked many jobs, got married, moved house, and became a Mother.
Becoming a Mother has been my biggest learning experience so far. It has shaped me into the woman I am today and I wouldn’t change a thing. Now that my son is almost 2 it is time to begin to shape myself into the yoga teacher that I want to be. And maybe for us teachers to meet in person again and celebrate all our hard work without a computer in sight!